On November 30, 2006, my brother David was hit and killed by a drunk driver. Today marks the 14th anniversary of his death and in his memory I wanted to post an old essay that I wrote for an assignment in my college English class. The assignment was to write about an event that changed our life, and losing David was mine.
Losing David
I never imagined what it would be like to lose a family member, no one that I loved had ever died. Nothing could have prepared me for the sudden loss of my brother David. My perspective on life was forever altered and I became the emotional rock for my family. Experiencing the loss of a loved one taught me to never underestimate the uncertainty of tomorrow; the pain of losing someone you love never goes away, it never gets easier.
I remember the night my brother was taken from me like it was yesterday. I was working the night shift at Universal. I had my cell phone in my pocket, even though we were not allowed. I noticed that I had eight missed calls from my dad, so I asked to use the restroom. I checked my voicemail to hear my dad in tears, saying, “Your brother has been hit by a car, Sherry, get to the hospital, it doesn’t look good, call me, I love you!” In that moment my heart was gone, this wasn’t happening, it felt so surreal.
Before I could think, I felt my legs running beneath me; I ran to my manager’s office, briefly explained the situation then ran full speed to the locker room. I was almost finished changing from my uniform when my phone rang again. I thought, “Oh God” as I was standing there in my bra and jeans. I answered, I heard my father in hysterics, yelling, “He is gone Sherry! He didn’t make it!” I dropped the phone and fell to my knees. I couldn’t speak or even move, my baby brother was dead and I couldn’t even say goodbye. I sat in a crumpled heap on the floor until something in my mind whispered “Go be strong for your family, they need you.”
I was in a daze as I drove to the hospital, reminiscing of good times with my brother. I arrived at the hospital at 9:53 pm; my dad was sitting on the curb out front. He was the only family member there. I didn’t know how to comfort my dad, but I knew I couldn’t let him see me cry. As I walked up to my father, he ran to me and hugged me with everything he had. The only thing I wanted was to see my brother, to know this was real, but the doctors and police wouldn’t allow it; they called his body “evidence”.
The days that followed were a blur, planning the funeral was difficult because it didn’t feel real to me, it was so routine, emotionless, almost robotic. I refused to cry in front of my family, they probably thought I didn’t care. The night before the viewing I made the CD with funeral songs and put together his memorial photographs. I was alone that night, but the tears didn’t come, not even by listening to sad songs or looking at pictures of my baby brother. I was starting to think something was wrong with me.
I do remember crying a little when we were at the funeral home when heard my parents grieving the loss of their only son; it hurt me more knowing I couldn’t ease their pain. Finally, it was my turn to see my brother, to get my proof that he was gone, that this was real. I felt sick when I saw his lifeless body lying there in his coffin, he looked so peaceful. I kissed his forehead; he was so cold. This couldn’t possibly be my brother, he looked like a mannequin. I stood there searching for something to make this real; that’s when I saw it, a hangnail on his thumb, from biting his nails. In some strange way that is what made this real for me. I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I cried for hours.
Since David’s death, I am always worried that each time I say goodbye to someone it may be the last time I see them. So, I cherish every minute with my children and I always tell my family that I love them. My brother has been gone for five years this November. I think about David everyday and would give anything to give him a hug and tell him that I love him. Never underestimate the uncertainty of tomorrow, make sure your friends and family know how you feel about them, you never know when it will be your last opportunity.
– Sherry
If I’m being honest the pain of losing someone you love never goes away. Memories crash in out of nowhere and knock you off your feet. It may be a song, a location, a sudden memory, or a smell in the air. I feel like this is your loved one reaching out for your attention and letting you know they are there.
I miss my brother. I will always miss my brother.
Rest in Peace David. I love you.
“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.” —James O’Barr
Until next time,
Sherry